The most common phrase we hear everyday is “I’ll be happy when.” We have been programmed from a young age that our happiness is tied to physical matter, such as people, houses, jobs, money and many more. Reconditioning the mind requires a huge level of mental discipline, energy and focus. The process to recondition your mind starts with a decision. That decision is to decide who you want to be – happy. 

The only way out is through. We have to start really looking within and realising how unfulfilled we feel because we tie our worthiness to our level of success in life. This mindset is known as “emotional dependence.” It comes from the belief that we cannot be happy until we fulfill every area of our lives. The thing is, our desires are neverending. Today you get your desires, and tomorrow you’ll want more or something else. Therefore, deliberately choosing not to be happy without these physical things is not wanting to take any responsibility for your own wellbeing. Chasing after happiness is not the way to go about it, because happiness is an inside job.

Regulate Your Emotions

The reason why we chase after these things is that we feel the need to be validated. We want to feel worthy so bad by getting some cash, losing weight, and having a romantic partner. On the other hand, the void is still there. The void is persistent because we are trying to fill it with these external factors, rather than internal ones. The solution is to start practicing regulating your emotions by making time every day to sit with the feelings and journal about them. This helps you gain a lot of awareness and understand what you’re missing within. Most importantly, wake up every day and give yourself the validation that you are seeking. Once you feel whole and complete on the inside, you will stop needing the outside. The external things will simply be the cherry on top.

“There are many people who prefer to blame their unhappiness upon their circumstances, but if our happiness were dependent upon our circumstances, then most people would rarely be happy because no one has a pain-free life. We all experience many challenges, hardships, adversity, and disappointments. It’s a part of our human existence.”

Practice Graditude

Take time to practice gratitude daily, as most of us are so caught up in the rush of life and what we want to achieve that we forget what we already achieved. Get a gratitude journal, and journal every day about 2-3 things that you are grateful for. Really feel into these things and ponder on the experience of having them. This will immediately bring you back to the present moment and raise your vibration. 

Stop Blaming

It’s time to stop putting the blame on other people or circumstances. This further perpetuates emotional dependence as it keeps our focus on what someone did to us. The truth is, people are responsible for hurting you, but not for how you choose to carry that with you and attach it to your self-worth. This is your own doing and yours alone. Accountability starts with recognising how you feel, and why you feel that way. From there, you can shift the feeling to the opposite. This is a productive practice to help you realign rather than waste your time and energy blaming others.

Practice this consistently every single day, and remember to place your focus on what you do like and your goals. The focus should never be on blaming anyone or putting your life on pause till you get your desires.